Excerpt from an essay on a visit to Japan in February, 2020.

Have you ever had those experiences when, looking back, you feel embarrassed for your past self?  I seem to have a lot of those, and in some cases even realize in the moment that I’m totally blowing the current social interaction.  I recognized very few people from the conference, for at least two reasons.  Even though everyone there was a theoretical particle physicist, the specific topic of the conference was not a field that I work in, and was distanced enough that my knowledge of the theme of the conference was very elementary.  Further, naturally most of the attendees were from institutions in Japan as attending a conference that could be accessed by a morning commute high-speed train and return home each night is vastly more convenient than traveling across the world.  I did recognize one famous physicist, with whom I have crossed paths a few times.  One night while at a conference in Aspen, Colorado, I joined his group for dinner, and at another time I had given a talk at his home institution and it seemed to me at the time that he was very engaged.  Working up the courage to talk while walking across the room during the conference’s coffee break, my mind raced with the first words to say to re-introduce myself.  Finally, I get close, and say “Hi, I’m Andrew Larkoski,” and a blank stare greets me back.  “Hi,” dribbles out of his mouth, and I backpedal a bit to provide context.  “I gave a talk at your institution a few years ago,” which is of course an essentially content-free statement as there will be dozens of talks each year, so he volleys back the natural question, “What did you talk about?” but by then it is too late and my brain has wiped itself spotlessly clean of any useful information.  “Uh, I can’t remember,” and with a knowing giggle that this conversation isn’t going anywhere he replies “Okay,” and mercifully moves on to talking to someone else nearby.  Years later, while staring at myself in the mirror, doing some mundane activity like shaving, flossing, or brushing my teeth, this interaction will flood my memory and my cheeks will redden and I will hope against all hope that no one else remembers.